The Value of Performance in the Face of Apprehension

8/28/2026 |

Category: circus, thrive movement studio, performance, lifestyle, movement, health, fitness, wellness

About 10 years into my career as a teaching and performing artist, I began to see patterns in my often chaotic, artistic hustle. Despite an everchanging array of classes, new projects and gigs, I noticed familiarities as I scurried through Connecticut’s highway systems; up and down the I-91 corridor. Every year I crunched through October’s crisp leaves, breathing in the smell of the wood stove on my way to teach adult trapeze class. I acknowledged the familiar hoot of the neighborhood owl that welcomed me home from late-night rehearsals and celebrated that first spring night when the sun was still up when afterschool classes concluded.  I happily soaked up long, hot days at circus camp that would give way to warm summer nights making circus props.

As seasons changed and years passed, it astonished me how everything could feel absolutely different, yet completely the same. Lesson planning, self-training schedules, flexibility routines, injury protocols and subsequent PT – everything new and yet, comfort in the familiar. In 2018, Heidi, Joel and I created the show Cycles, which I felt was an acknowledgment of our connectedness to nature, time and seasonality. Regardless of whatever silly, human choices we might make, we are inextricably linked to life cycles. 

We opened Cycles on a weekend in late February and with that deadline looming near, all my feelings of continuity, relaxation and ease disappeared. I found myself rehearsing, practicing - functioning at a breakneck pace. Racing from rehearsal to lesson to classroom to bed at a speed in which no one should operate; all with the specific goal of opening Cycles in the best manner I possibly could. I stayed up too late, I suffered a slew of minor injuries and maladies, which in hindsight, can only be described as “the universe slowing me down.” In the end, the constant refrain in my head was, why am I doing this?

It was in a tech rehearsal that February, when that phrase was actually said out loud. “Why are we doing this?” Why would anyone put themselves through the pressure and exhaustion of performing art. After a pause, Joel hit us with some wisdom that I’ve carried with me ever since.

Because this is our chance to share our joy with the world.

What we do as performance artists is special and unique. Though performance can feel like a blip, an aberration to our regularly scheduled programming – we must acknowledge that performance breaks the cycle. It’s not just an opportunity to break our routines, but to take those routines and share them with the world. As an ensemble, we brainstorm, create a practice, develop ideas, explore the emotions and messages we want the audience to feel when watching. It is an honor and a privilege to create and share art. And with that one phrase, my mind had shifted. No longer a mindset of apprehension and fear to perform, but to an understanding of the importance of what I do and just how lucky we are to share.

Allison McDermott is a circus performer, coach, creator and director from Middletown, CT. For more information about Allison, you can see what she's up to at her website or instagram.

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